Not Really Asian, but Kind of

the-absolute-funniest-posts:

How to keep Daniel Radcliffe grounded. (x)

My lovely followers, please follow this blog immediately!

(Source: zaynofthrones)

You do not exist.

coketalk:

At any given moment, you do not exist. Your body exists, temporary though it may be. Still, you are not your body. You are merely an electrochemical process of your body. The continuity of your separate self is manufactured every few milliseconds by a hunk of warm grey meat between your ears. In the time it takes you to read this sentence, your brain has created you a thousand times, and it has left behind a thousand ghosts of you.

stop it, I’m not interested in your “science” and "logic."

(via admitfully)

fuckingrecipes:

YOU WANT TO BE METAL?I’LL SHOW YOU FUCKING METAL!CLENCH YOUR BUTTCHEEKS BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS RIDICULOUS! WE’RE MAKING NO-BAKE CHEESECAKE!GO HARNESS YOURSELF A WILD MOOSE AND RIDE IT TO THE FUCKING STORE, FEEDING ORPHANS AND STRAY DOGS ALONG THE WAY, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO GET YOUR BEAUTIFUL ASS SOME INGREDIENTS!CARTWHEEL DOWN THE AISLES IN SEARCH FOR 20 GRAHAM CRACKERS, POWDERED SUGAR, BUTTER, CREAM CHEESE, AND SOME WHIPPED CREAM! EITHER MAKE YOUR OWN SHIT OR BUY IT IN THE FUCKING TUB, BECAUSE THAT CANNED BULLSHIT AIN’T GUNNA SLIDE HERE! ASK POLITELY TO BORROW YOUR LOCAL THUNDER GOD’S HAMMER, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO SMASH THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE GRAHAM CRACKERS! THROW THEIR SOBBING REMAINS INTO A BOWL.(ritterlied suggests ‘nilla wafers.)
STAB THE BAG OF POWDERED SUGAR UNTIL YOU HAVE EXACTLY ¼ A CUP TO SPLASH OVER YOUR GRAHAM CRACKER PIECES. DON’T GO EASY ON THAT MOTHERFUCKER! IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE BAG OF SUGAR THAT KILLED YOUR PARENTS AND ULTIMATELY DOOMED YOU TO A LIFE OF VIGILANTE CRIME-FIGHTING! STICK ¼ A CUP OF BUTTER INTO THE MICROWAVE OR OVEN AND MELT THAT PIECE OF SHIT! USE YOUR BARE HANDS TO MIX IT TOGETHER WITH THE SUGAR AND GRAHAM CRACKERS UNTIL YOU CAN FEEL YOUR STEAMPUNK HEART CHIRP WITH GLEE!PRESS THAT SHIT INTO THE SIDES AND BOTTOM OF A PIE PAN AND FUCKING HELL YOU GLORIOUS ASSHOLE, YOU JUST MADE A PIE CRUST!I HOPE YOU’VE BEEN PRACTICING YOUR SIREN CALLS, BECAUSE THIS SHIT’S ABOUT TO GET FRISKY! 
FINISH TAMING YOUR RHINOCEROS BEETLE KICKBALL TEAM AND WHIP TOGETHER 8oz OF CREAM CHEESE, 8oz OF WHIP CREAM AND 1 CUP OF POWDERED SUGAR TOGETHER!KEEP STIRRING THAT MOTHERFUCKER UNTIL IT’S SMOOTH AS PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM’S CUTE BEHIND, THEN SLATHER IT INTO THE CLASSY-ASS PIE CRUST YOU CREATED EARLIER. SLAP SOME PIE FILLING, CHOPPED FRUIT OR SOME CHOCOLATE SHIT ON TOP, I DON’T FUCKING CARE! FUCK, MAYBE YOU WANT TO SLICE SOME STRAWBERRIES AND LINE THE FUCKING PIE CRUST WITH THEM! CHRIST IT’S COOKING NOT GODDAMN NUCLEAR SCIENCE! FOLLOW YOUR HEART YOU BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKER!DROP-KICK THAT FUCKER INTO THE FRIDGE AND WAIT AN 1 AND ½ HOURS BEFORE SHOVELING IT INTO YOUR GODDAMN PIE-HOLE!MOTHER OF GOD, YOU JUST MADE SOME FUCKING CHEESECAKE!

fuckingrecipes:



YOU WANT TO BE METAL?
I’LL SHOW YOU FUCKING METAL!
CLENCH YOUR BUTTCHEEKS BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS RIDICULOUS! WE’RE MAKING NO-BAKE CHEESECAKE!

GO HARNESS YOURSELF A WILD MOOSE AND RIDE IT TO THE FUCKING STORE, FEEDING ORPHANS AND STRAY DOGS ALONG THE WAY, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO GET YOUR BEAUTIFUL ASS SOME INGREDIENTS!
CARTWHEEL DOWN THE AISLES IN SEARCH FOR 20 GRAHAM CRACKERS, POWDERED SUGAR, BUTTER, CREAM CHEESE, AND SOME WHIPPED CREAM!

EITHER MAKE YOUR OWN SHIT OR BUY IT IN THE FUCKING TUB, BECAUSE THAT CANNED BULLSHIT AIN’T GUNNA SLIDE HERE!

ASK POLITELY TO BORROW YOUR LOCAL THUNDER GOD’S HAMMER, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO SMASH THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE GRAHAM CRACKERS! THROW THEIR SOBBING REMAINS INTO A BOWL.
(ritterlied suggests ‘nilla wafers.)


STAB THE BAG OF POWDERED SUGAR UNTIL YOU HAVE EXACTLY ¼ A CUP TO SPLASH OVER YOUR GRAHAM CRACKER PIECES. DON’T GO EASY ON THAT MOTHERFUCKER! IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE BAG OF SUGAR THAT KILLED YOUR PARENTS AND ULTIMATELY DOOMED YOU TO A LIFE OF VIGILANTE CRIME-FIGHTING!
image

STICK ¼ A CUP OF BUTTER INTO THE MICROWAVE OR OVEN AND MELT THAT PIECE OF SHIT! USE YOUR BARE HANDS TO MIX IT TOGETHER WITH THE SUGAR AND GRAHAM CRACKERS UNTIL YOU CAN FEEL YOUR STEAMPUNK HEART CHIRP WITH GLEE!

PRESS THAT SHIT INTO THE SIDES AND BOTTOM OF A PIE PAN AND FUCKING HELL YOU GLORIOUS ASSHOLE, YOU JUST MADE A PIE CRUST!
image


I HOPE YOU’VE BEEN PRACTICING YOUR SIREN CALLS, BECAUSE THIS SHIT’S ABOUT TO GET FRISKY!


FINISH TAMING YOUR RHINOCEROS BEETLE KICKBALL TEAM AND WHIP TOGETHER 8oz OF CREAM CHEESE, 8oz OF WHIP CREAM AND 1 CUP OF POWDERED SUGAR TOGETHER!
KEEP STIRRING THAT MOTHERFUCKER UNTIL IT’S SMOOTH AS PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM’S CUTE BEHIND, THEN SLATHER IT INTO THE CLASSY-ASS PIE CRUST YOU CREATED EARLIER.

SLAP SOME PIE FILLING, CHOPPED FRUIT OR SOME CHOCOLATE SHIT ON TOP, I DON’T FUCKING CARE! FUCK, MAYBE YOU WANT TO SLICE SOME STRAWBERRIES AND LINE THE FUCKING PIE CRUST WITH THEM!
CHRIST IT’S COOKING NOT GODDAMN NUCLEAR SCIENCE! FOLLOW YOUR HEART YOU BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKER!

DROP-KICK THAT FUCKER INTO THE FRIDGE AND WAIT AN 1 AND ½ HOURS BEFORE SHOVELING IT INTO YOUR GODDAMN PIE-HOLE!

MOTHER OF GOD, YOU JUST MADE SOME FUCKING CHEESECAKE!

rabioheab:

Why Bark Obama Is A bad Presidet Facts

  • has spent 90% of US money on DINOSAUR SHAPED CHICKEN NUGGETS
  • lit a TRASH CAN on fire
  • drew a SATANIC SYMBOL in the WHITE HOUSE
  • wants to go to war with a country that DOESN’T EXIST
  • doesn’t want a ROBOT ARM because he already has TWO

(via fuckyeahamurica)

tyleroakley:

disfordarren:

So I wasted 11 dollars to turn George Washington into the Disney Princesses…

11 dollars VERY well spent.

tyleroakley:

disfordarren:

So I wasted 11 dollars to turn George Washington into the Disney Princesses…

11 dollars VERY well spent.

(via tyleroakley)